


parks and wreck

by Emma_frxst



Category: Colossus - Fandom, MCU, Marvel, X Men, XMCU
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-11 10:09:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20544419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emma_frxst/pseuds/Emma_frxst
Summary: TW- alcohol consumption, language.Reader and Colossus travel to Russia to celebrate their engagement and things get out of hand. Based on Parks and Recreation S4 Ep2. specifically this where Leslie gets hammered in a drinking contest with Ron’s mom and Tammy 1.





	parks and wreck

**Author's Note:**

> crack fic!!!! let me know what you think! thanks for reading

“y/n let me see!!!” Yukio exclaimed bursting through your classroom door, followed by NTW.

You held up your left hand allowing her to admire your engagement ring.

Jumping up and down, she squealed with excitement and pulled you into a massive hug. 

“Colossus did good.” Ellie stated getting a good look at the ring

“Yeah, he did. I kind of helped pick it out, but still he did very good.” You replied, a wide smile adorning your face. 

“So..when are you guys leaving for Russia.” Ellie inquired.

“Friday.”

“Are you excited?”

“Oh yes I am, but I’m incredibly nervous. I’ll be meeting his old buddies for the first time.”

“Hey, you’ll be alright, besides you’re a badass.” Ellie said, giving you a reassuring grin. 

“Now young lady, watch your language.” You exclaimed, doing your best Piotr impression. “Did you eat your protein bar today?.”

You and the girls burst out in laughter, your Piotr impression was pretty good if you do say so yourself.

As if on cue, Piotr knocked on the door, the reverberations through his metal hand giving it away. 

“Come in!” You said through laughter.

Colossus swung open the door, a stack of papers in hand. 

“Good morning Ellie, Yukio. I hope I am not interrupting something.” 

“Don’t worry, we were just finishing up. Catch you girls later.” You said winking at them.

“Catch you later.” NTW said, a sly smile crossing her features. “Let’s go Yukio.”

Yukio, who was still giggling, waved bye to you and colossus. 

“Hello, darling.” He said, bending down to give you a quick peck on the lips. 

“Hello, fiancée.” You really liked the sound of that. 

Colossus held up two small booklets and a stack of papers

“Updated passports and graded papers.” He said, sitting them on your desk.

“Thank you.” You gave his hand a squeeze. 

“So are you ready for Friday?” He asked you. 

“As ready as I’ll ever be, but hey, as long as I have you by my side, I can do anything.”

He pulled you into his side and you leaned into him, his massive arm wrapping around your middle. 

“I am beyond ready to do this with you, y/n. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

-friday-

You stepped off the plane, only to be greeted by 3 of burliest, lumberjack x farmer, ‘manly’ type men you’d ever met. Like wolverine x 3. 

“PIOTR!” They all shouted and ran towards the two of you. 

“Привет, мои друзья! так приятно видеть вас всех.” 

(Hello my friends! It is so good to see you all.) colossus said, giving each of his friends a giant bear hug. 

“мы так рады, что ты пришел домой. Мы очень рады встретить вашу невесту.” 

(We Are so happy you have come home. We are very excited to meet your bride.)

The smile on Piotr’s face couldn’t get any wider.

“Y/n, this is Lev, Rurik, and Nadege.”

“привет меня зовут д / н. приятно познакомиться.” 

(hello, my name is y/n, lovely to meet you.)

You said and offered them a handshake, but they opted for a big group hug instead

“Hey, hands off my woman.” Colossus teased. 

“Relax Piotr! We just have fun!” Nadege exclaimed

“It is nice to meet you y/n, we have heard a lot about you.” 

“Thank you Lev, I’m excited to get to know you all.”

“Ok no more messing around! We have much to do. Not a lot of time. Let’s go.” Rurik interjected, hurrying you and Piotr along while Lev and Nadege grabbed your bags. 

You and Piotr exchanged a knowing look. This week was going to be fun. 

-time jump until the end of the week-

Time to mark this down as one of the best weeks of your life. 

The countryside was incredibly beautiful, everyone in the farming community was very sweet and extremely generous, and Piotr’s friends were an absolute riot. 

You and Piotr were going home with all kinds of things, seeds for your garden, recipes handed down from generations ago, hand woven baskets, and a beautiful handmade quilt that you and Piotr had worked on together (with lots of help of course.) 

To bring the week to a close, his friends were throwing a party at the local pub. 

This shit was gonna be lit as fuck. 

.

“Welcome to the family y/n, May many herd of happiness come unto you and Piotr. To y/n and Piotr!” 

You all clinked your mugs together and the chugged the alcohol in one go.

.a little later.

“Bar keep! Bring out убийца свиней.” (The hog killer.) Lev shouted.

You looked at Colossus, slightly terrified. “The hog killer?”

“Homemade vodka. We feed it to the wild hogs that kill our crops, to kill them.”

“Oh my god.”

The bartender poured Piotr and his friends each a glass, but not you.

“Hey, hey! Where’s mine?” You asked. 

“Not such a good idea y/n. Even the biggest of men have trouble holding this down.”

“I am no man. Count me in, bar-keep.”

Almost the whole bar erupted in hoots and hollers as you downed your first shot. 

And holy fucking shit what did you get yourself into. 

That shit burned the whole way down your throat, worse than tequila or anything else you’d ever drank. 

You slammed your glass back down on the table.

“Fuck! That’s strong.” You cringed.

“You got yourself a real keeper there Piotr, счастливый ублюдок” (lucky bastard.) Lev said, who you had turned out to be the real class-clown type, but genuine good dude. 

Lev wordlessly poured you and himself another shot then raised his eyebrows as if to challenge you.

“You’re on.” You said, raising your glass.

-

Later/

Determined to hold your own against Lev you had pushed yourself to your limits. But that didn’t mean you weren’t having a fun time. 

You were wasted.

“Piotr, honey. I can’t feel my face. My face is numb.”

“Is it hot in here? I’m hot. Hehehe, you’re hot.” You said to Piotr, while struggling to take your jacket off.

“Let me help y/n.”

“No! Piotr I can do it. I’m-Ima big girl.” You slurred. 

“Ready to quit?” Lev teased.

“Fat chance.” You said and suddenly found yourself on the cold, hard ground. 

You fell off your barstool, leaving everyone who saw laughing hysterically.

“Y/n, you don’t have to keep going.” piotr interjected. 

“SSSHHHHH! I can-“ *burp* “I can do this!”

-Piotr POV.-

Piotr put his face into his hands, he loved your willpower and stubbornness, but sometimes it got you into sticky situations. 

Piotr thought, surely, you were almost done. Until-

“Ah! Goats!” You exclaimed and ran to the window, smushing your face against the cool glass. “They’re so cute! I love them!”

You gazed at the goats in wonder, then it dawned on you.

“Piotr! Piotr! Do the goats know I love them? They have to know!” You exclaimed, grabbing his shirt collar and pulling him towards you.

“I’m sure they know y/n, I think everyone in the pub knows that too.”

“Ok good.”

Piotr sat next to one of the elderly women the community, Oksanna, who was like a mother figure to him. 

“Some advice Piotr?”

“Da, please.”

“You hold on very tightly to that woman.” She said, gesturing towards you- you, now loudly singing ‘I’ll make a man out of you’ from “Mulan.”

A huge, goofy smile spread across his face. 

“She definitely is one of a kind, Oksanna. She’s everything."


End file.
